God: “I’m here”

The other day, I met with a prof to talk about life and my future. Later in the day, I headed over to the hospital to see my friends Matt and Sara, and their brand new baby boy, Jackson. In the evening, I attended a Maundy Thursday service at Ecclesia. And then after the service, I went and celebrated another friend’s birthday.

In all of it: as I was challenged to be patient and yet probing in looking to my future and God’s leading; as I was holding seventeen-hour old Jackson and being astounded into speechlessness at the miracle of life; as I was partaking of the Lord’s Supper and meditating on his crucifixion and sacrifice; as I was laughing and celebrating with friends; in all of it, God was whispering his presence into my ear. I’m here. It wasn’t much. But it was enough.

It’s a far cry from my years in London, when it was ‘normal’ to be speaking and singing in tongues, getting words of knowledge, listening expectantly for God’s voice and often hearing, and being ‘led by the Spirit’.

And sometimes, I do wish I could just hear an audible voice. That God would just tell me to do and how to make my decisions. But I’m learning to grow up, to be responsible for my own life and my own decisions. And I’m learning to see God’s presence in new ways; I’m learning to sense him in places I wouldn’t have thought to know him; I’m learning to trust that he’ll bring things about somehow. He’s still there. And that’s no bad thing.

I can’t see how you’re leading me unless you’ve led me here, where I’m lost enough to let myself be led. – Rich Mullins, ‘Hard to Get’

Remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age. – Matt. 28:20


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